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All the jizz metal and cookie-monster anger that the marines and teens are crooning to these days has really got to be the dumbest fucking music fad since what? Well, since the Menudo craze. "Today's Drive at Five brought to you by the fellas down at 'I-Won't-Tell-If-You-Don't Homoerotic Look-At-My-Tats-in-the-Men's-Room Tattoo Parlor and don't forget to drop by to see the girls at Cherry's Pretend-You're-Straight Gentlemen's Club; A club for the man who wants more than the tip."
Christ. I've been rocking out to Chet Baker lately because I can't stomach all that swill. Until now. Finally I've found a good old fashioned talented rock-and-roll band. Dirty rock. I mean slithering-on-the-bar-floor-after-hours kind of shit with sex appeal, sardonic lyrics, and all-around let's-throw-beer-bottles-at-that-tree-because-these-tunes-fucking-rock rock. Let's get twisted on acid, drink Jack Daniels, smoke a joint and get some more volume over here now because this shit is real. I'm talking about the Empire State Troopers.
Kelly Murphy's lyrics are a fevered search for a trap door in the root cellar of her heart. Digging in the pitch-black dirt of sordid relationships and leaving claw marks on the backs of her captors, she regales us with stories of inner personal battles on the wind of her golden pipes. Accompanied by Thom Hall driving riffs on guitar that, depending on where, can be construed as descending into or climbing out of crescendos. The railing to these ladder riffs —if there were such a thing—, acting as a safety device throughout the whole album, is Jeff Fox on bass. Nothing sly about his bass playing because this here bastard plays as subliminally as a kick in the teeth. And he has to in order to keep up with and tie together the heart pounding drums of Nathan Pallace. Wonderful really.
What more can I say? This band is so tight I'd swear they were illegal to look at. But they're not. The resume of each band member is enough to give lift to any upstart band. The fact that these four are playing together brings to the forefront the possibilities of professionalism among unsigned, under-the-radar bands. Their shit is together. The websites are all interconnected from www.empirestatetroopers.com to their MySpace page and further links. Reviews, CDs, T-shirts, and tour dates can be found here along with bios and booking information. And a pretty picture. Check 'em out. —ES
The music of Empire State Troopers remained on Unlikely 2.0 for one year, then was removed for reasons of space and copyright.
The songs of Empire State Troopers are not available for download, but instead can be heard right here on the web site. If you don't see a jukebox above, try downloading Flash player.