hunger, sleepiness, anxiety,
regret, bad dreams, terror.
Even when you were living
it was like talking to a corpse.
You don't need to shower
or eat. It's not that you needed
much before, a room with a
cot and cardboard night stand.
Radio people have to be
able to quickly move, go.
Having a lot is an albatross
especially when it comes to
women who might want to see
you more than twice. You
won't need your Zanex under
ground, can't tease about
Valium in the shape of a heart.
You won't have to walk point.
You won't have to walk, won't
need that fake leg. I think of you
watching the roots move closer,
circle your bones like a women's
legs, now in a room darker than
you kept yours so you could
sleep at noon after all night on
the air. You won't see this
long spring, the roses unfolding,
clenched tiny buds opening
petal by petal as I longed to
to stay with me
longer. I was anxious
to be alone, go over
the frames like some
one picking up photo
graphs of a place they
are not sure they will
go back to. Sleeping
with you was the
best part, actually
being asleep, coiled
with your arms
around me as if even
afterward you wanted
to pull me near. Now
I'm too often nervous,
leave bits of my skin,
crumbs of myself
for you to trail me.
I wonder, from this
distance, how I look
to you? Like a ghost,
that exotic light on a
moon you could navigate
by? Or, face to face,
would you still back
away as if you needed
distance to notice
my intensity.
branches across the
clouds could have
been antlers. Of
course they were
just trees. Arms
were arms. You
were dark as your
hair, blue as your
sea eyes. It was
not always like
talking to some
one in a coffin.
Your stories
wrapped me in
green like grape
leaves. Afterwards,
it was often like
having a beautiful
dress, pale lace
tangling at my feet
so I couldn't move
Lyn Lifshin’s recent prizewinning book, Before It’s Light, was published winter 1999-2000 by Black Sparrow press, following their publication of Cold Comfort in 1997. Another Woman Who Looks Like Me will be published by Black Sparrow-David Godine in September 2004. Her poems have appeared in most literary and poetry magazines and she is the subject of an award winning documentary film, Lyn Lifshin: Not Made of Glass available from Women Make Movies. She is working on a collection of poems about the famous, short lived beautiful race horse, Ruffian. For more information, her web site is www.lynlifshin.com.