I went home and fell fast asleep, but not before I called my job and told them I quit. No reasons given, none asked for. I suppose a lot of people didn't last past the first day, but certainly not for the same reason as mine. And then I tried, as best I could, to put the whole incident out of my head, at least for a week or so. I figured something would happen by then.
And, of course, I completely forgot about my mom's birthday. One crisis a month is really all I can take. So you see, I was a bit surprised when my whole family turned up at my door step a couple of days later.
"Oh, hi, um…what's up?" I asked, sheepishly, as they stared at me from my doorstep.
"Did you forget mom's birthday dinner? We came to pick you up to go to the restaurant. Remember?" asked my sister, looking skeptically at me.
"No, of course I remembered. How dumb do you think I am?"
"Do you want an answer?" she asked, then added, "Never mind. Just get your gift and let's go."
Damn it! The gift! What with trying to save the planet and everything, it completely slipped my mind. But how could I explain that to my family, especially to mom? She'd encountered my lame excuses before and would never believe the truth, especially this particular truth. Hell, I barely believed it myself.
But just then, as my family stood their staring at me in disbelief at my stupidity, I was saved by an unexpected visitor. (Who clearly had all ready heard about my recent discoveries.)
"Oh, by the way, mom, here's your gift. Surprise! Happy Birthday!"
The Governor and his entourage didn't know what to make of my gaping-mouthed family. Still, Mr. Schwarzenegger played along, like any good actor will do. Besides, who wants to ruin an old woman's birthday? Not that we gave him any chance to object. He was surrounded by my clan in no time flat and readily agreed to follow us in his limo.
"Oh, sure, but if you don't mind, could your son ride in my limo with me? Just to put the finishing touches up on your surprise."
Mom agreed and gave me the biggest kiss I'd ever gotten from her in my whole life. Even my usually arrogant siblings hugged and kissed me and congratulated me on the most miraculous gift they'd ever seen. I blushed and took their praise. What else could I do? Besides, we were going out for German. The Governor was sure to like the menu.
And with that, we went into the limo and my family went to their respective cars and we were off.
"Well, well, young man," the Governor began. "I wish one of my movies had a plot this good." (Don't we all? But I let it go.)
"So you guys believed me?"
"Why not? Made sense. How else can you explain all that awful coffee?" (See, I told you so!)
"Exactly. But what's going to happen next?"
"Don't you worry about that. Let's just say that Starbucks is in for a bit of a shaking up."
"And to misqoute you, hopefully, they won't be back."
"Oh, we'll see to that. Don't you fret. Now let's get going. Maria's expecting me back in a couple of hours and she can be quite the handful if you keep her waiting."
"Yes, I know a thing or two about demanding women, let me tell you."
Rob Rosen was born in Brooklyn. He spent his childhood in the suburbs of New Jersey, his teen years in Hilton Head, South Carolina, and much of his early adulthood in Atlanta, Georgia, where he graduated from Emory University. When he turned thirty, he packed it all in and followed his dreams to San Francisco, where he is now an Office Guru. So much for that expensive education. His short stories appear regularly in The SoMa Literary Review. His first book, "Sparkle: The Queerest Book You'll Ever Love", was published in 2001. Check out his web site.