i went out in the middle of the night
to purchase a pack of cigarettes
on my way home
i was jumped
by three drunk and stoned thugs
the first jumped out of a blind spot
and shattered the orbit of my right eye
with a pair of brass knuckles
after that
i sprang to my feet
and began to dance circles
around him
he threw punch
after
punch
all of which i dodged
"why can't i hit you!"
he screamed in a stoned fury
spitting out blood
that was streaming into my mouth
from the gash in my right eyebrow
a scar of which i still have today
i spat on hit
and hollered
"its because you get sacked ever time you stand up
on the field, cocksucker"
he kept at me, swinging
trying to kill me
finally i let out a blood curdling shriek
and started shouting
"rape"
and a car pulled up
the thugs got in the car
threatening the women in the car
to take them where they wanted to go
"you're ignorant"
one of them called to me
i remember thinking
your rich father didn't tell your
spoiled loose cunt
that the reason i'm alive right now
is that i'm smarter than every
fucking wasted condom in that
car your father bought you for your
birthday
The transexual was laying stoned on my futon
we had a huge bag of pot
and were getting stoned
with an obese welfare taking
deadbeat
and a hot blonde
when the hot blonde
suggested that i fucked the transvestite up the ass
i was so stoned
and happy that i had the pot
that i agreed
and propositioned the transvestite
he said no, and i replied in the best black slang
i had written a story about having sex with a urinal
and eating a urinal cake
and sent it to lydia lunch
she liked it
and published it in a compendium
i didnt hear anything
and i didnt make one red cent
or a dime bag full of cat nip and baking soda
i got a job at a grocery store
stocking shelves
and to piss off a hillbilly
i knew he was going to the bathroom
so i pulled down my pants to my ankles
and stood in front of the urinal
my left arm resting on the wall of the stall
next to me
implying if he were to
insert his cock into my rectum
i would have sex with the piss soaked hole in the urinal
he freaked
and ran into the ladies restroom
to take a leak
two years later
i find a fat hairy hillbilly
standing in front of the men's urinal
his pants at his ankles
his left arm resting on the wall of
the toilet stall next to me
i burst out laughing
but i was drunk
three and a half hours later
and feeling no pain
i could conjure
"ill hol' up and kick yo' ass out!
he flexed his foot stretching out his toes
and the obese deadbeat burst out in laughter
and laughed for a good five stoned minutes
eventually
i kicked out the hot blond
who had requested that i get her a cup of hot water
and the obese deadbeat
who stole the bag of pot from me
before he left
leaving me a single bud
which i smoked that night
and fell asleep on the couch
listening to mozart
out a whole paycheck
kurtice6@hotmail.com
he'd love some feedback
he's a very lonely man