You don't know why you come. Maybe
you hope something. You should know better.
They will tell you: They enter you at they backdoor.
They will tell you: Remove your shoes.
They will tell you: Carpet has just been cleaned.
Carpet has not just been cleaned.
Soil marks lead tv to bathroom.
They will be dressed up. Fashion gaunt. They will say:
They are so delighted
to see you. That all the rest of your relatives have been
asking about you. They will look you to see you gone gaunt.
But you are a pig. Look see you if your color is right. White.
Yes. You are still white. They will look see you clean. You
do not have crabs. You sniff pits. You please they you think.
They will place crummy large white towel over old chair.
You notice double-edged razorblades have been scattered
beneath towel as they Point you Sit.
They cheekbones will sharp up
as they Smile You In You Face.
They will say: "Well...well now..."
Then they will say: "We all wonder of you." Then suddenly.
Then they will say: "Dr. Phil was about gays yesterday."
The razorblades poke crummy towel.
They say: "You know we don't care what you choose
as long as." Then they sharp their cheeks. Then they will
say: "As long as it is what makes you happy."
You switch chairs choose nice one with window light
smooth one no blades.
They sniff. Like this is not where you sit.
They don't know you watched Dr. Phil yesterday. Full of shit
him telling homo-freaked Daddy shift his little boy from liking
to play girl. Kid wanting to grow ponytail. Kid looking in
gawddam mirror too much. Dr. Phil telling Daddy: "You
shift him over. Take six months. Shift him over. Y'all kin do
it. Give him little boy toys. You don't get you want give him
asexual toys. Rotate him. Watch him evolve. Call me."
Fuck Dr. Phil! Full of shit. Little boy like to play girl let him
play maybe football look like atom bomb to him did not make
him happy maybe kid know he wants his wants.
In window light they tell you, "If it makes you happy. If it's
what you choose." They tell:
"Watching Dr. Phil they understand things."
They forget you what unhappy child you. They forget you.
Sixty years ago. They forget unhappy you.
Until you left they, all of they, behind. Why you split they.
They forget you little boy played they daughters
they neighbor's daughters out front the barn
they forget you little boy
played they sons they neighbor's sons
out back the barn.
Now: They dawdle soiled path tv to bathroom
nervous excuse for toitie-toitie.
Now: You lift loaded white towel brush old chair seat.
listen as they tinkle toitie-toitie
watch they as they follow soiled path to big tv
they flick it on
dr. phil time.
They sharp they cheekbones to Smile You.
You press bladetowel in they cheekbones. You whisper:
"WE don't care
WHAT you choose as." Then you Smile They Face.
"As long as
IT is what makes you happy."
how you've read words about those words in far-away places
how they stop those words
the way they stop certain words the way you head goes
they tell you this is right
like they know this is right for you the way you head should go
just a few fewer words just for now
they whittle at them
in far-away places you have read ahead words about
how they do this
you've heard what they say in this place where
they say they did not mean what they say you have heard they
how they say they did not mean what they say they say
you heard them say these words
that what they say is best
that what they meant to say they say they say
is what you should not say like they say
the way you head goes the way it should not
they put it in the water
what they mean you should not say
they know you thirst they know you
the water tastes you odd but
because you thirst they know
you will forget the odd taste
because you are so thirsty
you forget what tastes you right they know
you forget how it used to be they know
you forget they steal you a piece of you
here
there
now
they steal you
words
words you used which mean you something
words they don't want like
what you mean you say like
you always say what you mean you say like
you do not have to come back to say you do not mean
what you say
not like they
like what you say is what you mean you say
but they put something in the water
and you forget
because you are so thirsty you forget
and this is when they steal you
like those words you once read about
far-away places
about those words about those words how they do it
you live in a far-away place it is
far
away
from those words you used the ones
they steal you from
they count heads here because you thirst
in this far-away place
because you say their say ahaa!
they count you head
they count you thirsty tongue
ahaa! one more! they got you
they will count you children's heads
you children will read words about
those words
about this far-away place
how they put it in the water
they say to me this:
that it is in me
only in my head.
they are outside me
young.
they try me.
try to pump me
up
like they can know
what is in me
where to start.
they say to me:
that i am only as old as
i feel.
~
i feel old
i am old
what is in me is
agony
in my head is
degradation.
i did not invite it.
i did not invite
they
hound me.
i say this to they:
that one day sooner than
you know you are old
you
will decay
spiel says, "at the ripened age of 64, i've finally adjusted to being referred to as 'crusty' and a 'curmudgeon'. my father used to tell a story about the first time he ever changed my diapers -- he claimed i looked up at him with defiance.
"at the heart of my work is the issue of conflict. i hold myself to no rigid rule as to how i will write (poetry is my specialty). yet i write nearly every day. and the bulk of it is about the darkness of the condition of man. it is the one predictability of my work: what editors and fellow poets have come to expect of me and what most naturally flows from me."