Easter Sunday, Mayfield, Louisiana, 1954
It was Easter morning and Durenda was awake before the golden bars of light illuminated their bedroom. Durenda, David, Bobby, Mac, Sandy, and Martha slept on a cotton mat without any sheets over the wooden floor. Before the mat, they would lie awake and watch the chickens through the cracks between each board and the knots that had fallen out. They had eaten most of the chickens with a few squirrels in between because Michael hadn't come home for three months. Michael had fathered all of the children except Durenda. But he didn't care about any of them, and stayed away at other women's homes. So they ate all of the chickens except the last ones ma kept for eggs but a fox got to them one night and ripped their throats out while the children listened. They called for Ma but she didn't come as they listened to their only food devoured viciously. Sometimes Michael came home with some leftovers in his sack but that was all they depended on from him. Ma couldn't work either because she was too far from town and without a vehicle. They depended on the kindness of the church for most everything since they couldn't depend on each other.
Durenda didn't feel very close to her half brothers and sisters. She was forced to take care of them when Ma didn't but they didn't mind her. Because they were wild children she didn't feel the need to comb or caress their loneliness. She didn't hold Bobby as he cried when he was shot in the eye with a BB gun and his brown eye turned blue. She thought the pets David drug home were nasty and she didn't cry when they died of starvation. When Martha was four years old she tried to throw her in the hole of the outhouse because she wouldn't learn to potty because it smelled too bad in there. Durenda was tired of changing and washing the scraps of cloth used for her diapers. Durenda figured that they didn't matter because they spoke ugly, which allowed people to treat them stupid and her first grade teacher hold her back a grade so she decided to stop talking like them and learn the words in books. They looked ugly like Michael with dark hair and nipples and flat noses. They wouldn't pronounce words or ends of words with hard consonants, which made people's brows straighten when they couldn't understand them or didn't want to. She hated having to sleep next to and waking up to them drenched in foul sweat and breath because they wouldn't wash or brush when she told them to.
When the bedroom began to rust with dawn, Durenda hoped that she would hear Ma rustle. She hoped that maybe Ma had something for them but she reminded herself that Ma hadn't left the house that week. Ma didn't creep from her room much at all except to make a large pot of stew once a week that would sit on the stove for days while her children helped themselves. She never ate with them and emerged from her room after they finished eating to consume any leftovers so as not to waste. Then she would retire to her den again. Because of Ma's habits Durenda didn't expect her to get up and surprise them but hoped she would. Durenda lay still because there was nothing awaiting them. There were no Easter baskets this year or any other. Michael never brought anything when he came home even if it was a holiday. Yet, Ma stole some eggs again from the neighbors so there would be an Easter egg hunt this year. They boiled them and colored them the night before. Ma bought the coloring from the market the last time Michael's sister took her to town a couple of weeks ago. Michael's sister and members of their church were their only transportation so they didn't go to church or town as often as they would like. But they always went to school outside of town even though they had to walk five miles to class every day. If ma hadn't beaten them with willow switches every time they didn't go Durenda would have quit after the first grade. Her teacher found her poverty and her Southern name revolting and held her back a grade.
As Durenda lay on the mat pressed against Sandy she could hear a car in the distance rattling up the dirt road. Ma hadn't mentioned anyone coming for Easter so it had to be someone she wasn't speaking to regularly though that could be anyone. All the children squirmed on the cotton mat, hoping that it wouldn't be Michael. Durenda crawled to the window first to peek through the blinds and make out the visitor. An older Ford came swaying hitting rut after rut in the dirt driveway seldom driven on. Durenda ran to open their bedroom door to alert their mother of the visitors.
"Ma, someone's comin'."
Ma didn't even rustle which is what Durenda expected. So, Durenda ran out the front door to stand and wait in the yard while the car pulled up. When they came into closer view, Durenda realized it was a couple of church folks. Sometimes they would stop by on holidays to hand out donations such as clothing and food. Durenda was sad the Easter egg hunt would be delayed with their visit. She wanted to find the golden egg so she could brag to her brothers and sisters until the next Easter. The children only had each other to compete with because anyone else in the rest of world had an unfair advantage of clothing, shoes, and soap.
Durenda could make out two ladies in straw hats with flowers pinned to them. They rocked slowly as the potholes became deeper and deeper closer to their shack. Part of the road went to other folks' houses so it was more maintained in those places. They didn't know any of their neighbors though because it was better not to know the people Ma stole milk and eggs from. They weren't part of the Mormon church anyway and those were the only friends Ma had. The ladies stopped in front and the car sank in relief. Durenda recognized that it was Mrs. Coffer and Mrs. White as they exited carefully so as to not slip in the mud and treaded carefully towards us.
Mrs. Coffer called to them, "Hello children and Happy Easter!"
Mrs. White added, "We've brought some things for you."
Durenda forgot all about the egg hunt and hollered.
"Sandy, Mac, Martha, Bobby, Danny get out here!"
They tumbled out the door immediately because they had already been peering out a crack. They filed out barefooted and stood behind her.
"Where's your mother?"
Durenda answered, "In her room."
"No, I'm here." Ma opened the door and stepped out. She peered at the ladies through two small folds where her eyes were set in her round flat face like two slits cut into a pie.
"We brought gifts."
"Oh my lord, Jesus! What have you brung?"
"Yet, we have an even bigger surprise we picked up on the road," exclaimed Mrs. Coffer.
They hadn't noticed that there was a third passenger in the back seat. They saw the door swing open and a large man's shoe appeared and sank into the ground. They knew immediately that it was Michael and they became nauseous.
"Hello children, come see your daddy."
They leaped forward only because he was holding the ribbon candy and hand made dresses that they knew the church folks brought for them. The girls had never worn dresses before. Durenda couldn't believe that she finally had a dress made of store bought fabric instead of the flower sack prints her ma made for them. Durenda was given a yellow dress, while Sandy got a blue, Martha a purple, and ma a pink dress. Durenda had always loved pink the most but her yellow dress was made of store bought fabric and was as pale as her cornbread hair so she loved it.
Ma sat inside at the kitchen table with the church ladies as the girls changed into their new Easter dresses. Michael stood on the porch looking out at where he had come. He was probably planning his departure and which direction he would then go. But no one cared whether he was there or not. They were too busy ripping open the candy and fingering the soft fabric of their new dresses. Even though it was a mess outside because a storm had blown through they wanted to feel the bright flowers of their dresses flash against their legs while they searched for eggs. They all entered the kitchen and stood in a line behind their mother. Durenda coughed and Ma turned around.
"We are ready for the egg hunt, Ma."
"Alright. Just give me a moment."
Ma paused and turned towards the open front door.
"Michael, will you hide the eggs for the hunt? The kids are waiting."
"Sure thing. Where are they?"
"Sitting here on the kitchen counter."
Michael came in from the porch and smiled large at the church ladies. Ma was surprised he agreed to hide the eggs but knew he would be a gentleman in front of church folk. Michael picked up the basket on the counter that cradled about a dozen colored eggs. One at the bottom of the basket wasn't dyed and was covered in golden foil. The child who found the golden egg didn't have to do chores for a week. There was never a guaranteed prize of candy or toys because Ma never knew if she'd come by any.
"Thanks again for the ride. I sure do appreciate it."
They nodded and continued to chirp with Ma about nothing in particular. He left the kitchen without another word and began hiding the eggs. No one witnessed Michael hide a different golden egg by the sunflowers other than the one that Ma purchased. She didn't tell her children that she was able to procure a chocolate egg covered in golden foil. He put the foil egg near the small stream where Danny would sit and watch critters swim by and the egg that he had colored special near Durenda's favorite flower. Durenda had found the golden egg before but not for a couple of Easters and never near the sunflowers. This is where Durenda sat staring many afternoons into their dark centers surrounded by yellow petals wondering why they had seeds instead of golden pollen like other flowers.
Roughly ten minutes later he yelled, "eggs ‘r ready".
The children burst out the front door like thoroughbreds through the starting gate.
Durenda ran towards the sunflowers because she thought she saw Michael return from that direction. She was several feet in front of her brothers and sisters since she was the oldest and long legged like her deceased father. When she reached the sunflowers she pushed each stalk aside until she uncovered a pale yellow egg.
"I found the golden egg!"
Danny had by that time reached the stream and saw the foil reflecting. He picked up the golden egg and held it high running back towards the front yard.
"No, you didn't. I found the golden egg. That there egg is yellar."
Ma heard the commotion outside and excused herself from the kitchen table.
"Who found the golden egg, children?"
"I did," Danny announced.
"No, I did." claimed Durenda.
"Hold them up." Ma insisted.
When she saw Durenda's egg her brow lowered.
"Where did that come from?"
"I brought it," offered Michael.
"Oh."
"Well, thank you but I had purchased a foil egg and now two children will have to take the week off and there is just so much work."
She turned and reentered the house and sat back down at the kitchen table.
"I'm sorry ladies where were we?"
They began chattering again about all the church gossip and who didn't come as often as they should even though they lived close by.
Michael stood outside with Durenda and Danny who were staring each other down.
"Alright, you both got the golden egg, one is just sweeter than the other."
"Mines, gold, hers is yellar."
"I know son but it's alright. Go on and celebrate that you found the golden egg."
Danny hesitated and then spun round to run back to the rest of his brothers and sisters.
"I found the golden eeeeayggggg and you didn't."
They turned their faces down and started drawing in the dirt with their toes. Michael turned around, walked towards Durenda and kneeled down.
"There is something special about your egg and I'm going show you. I'm going to go back in the house to ma's room. Don't come in for one minute but when you do go straight to ma's room, you hear?"
"Yes, sir," she said and smiled shyly.
She couldn't believe that he was going to show her something special. She thought that Michael might finally be her daddy.
"Good girl," as he patted her on the head.
He retreated to the porch and looked back to make sure she wasn't following close behind. Ma hardly noticed when he entered the house and headed straight to her den filled with scraps of cloth from old sewing projects. One minute later Durenda followed. Ma didn't glance at her either because she was too preoccupied with company that hardly ever came. Michael was standing next to a beat up dresser with the paint missing when Durenda stepped in. He leaned over her and closed the door behind her.
"Give me the egg and I'll show you something. But you have to promise not to make a sound or the other children will get jealous, ya hear?"
"Alright sir," and she handed him her yellow egg.
He set it on the bed and stood right in front of her staring down. She looked over at the egg to avoid his glance.
"Can you show me the egg?"
"There is something we have to do first. Then you get the egg back."
She didn't say a word when he kneeled and lifted her dress over his head. She started to shake with uncertainty.
"Don't move or this'll hurt."
She wasn't wearing any underwear because she had outgrown her last pair. He softly kissed and licked her thighs while she still shivered. Then there were her soft parts without hair that smelled of fried chicken because they hadn't soured yet with age and years in the field. She squirmed like a feral cat when his fingers pressed painfully into her flesh. She backed away and he bit her hard where she didn't realize that she had a small nub that could be latched onto. She choked up a whimper. He then withdrew her dress from his head and stood over her with lips tighter than she could hold her legs together.
"You see, that's what happens when you don't hold still."
"Yes, sir."
He stood up and swayed over her. He grabbed the egg next to him from the bed and cracked it open with his thumbs.
"Here's your egg you little bastard child."
A small chick that wasn't ready to hatch yet fell out onto the floor. Its head bent backwards. Tears crawled down her face like hot spiders in summer.
"Now you see what happens when you open up too early. Do you understand, bastard child?"
"Yes, sir."
"Get out of here."
She turned and ran out of the room, past her mother and the church ladies, out the front door, past her brothers and sisters playing in the yard, into the woods, and didn't stop even when the yolk of the sun dripped down into darkness.
Durenda has been published in Identity Theory, Cherry Bleeds, and Cornell's Rainy Day. She has also been featured as poet of the week on the Poetry Super Highway. She was recently accepted for the Tomales Bay Workshop with Dorothy Allison. She lives on a farm outside of Nashville.
Comments (closed)
Michelle
2008-08-05 20:20:06
Bravo! Your story is amazing.