When the lift doors open our cocoon of elevator-music-induced harmony is shattered. In front of us stands an elderly western couple who, when they see John and I decked out in matching Hawaiian shirts — John's red, mine green — and aviator sunglasses, take a step back as we swagger in true gonzo fashion out into the hotel lobby like two men who had just had five shots of duty-free tequila each for breakfast.
Pausing ever so slightly in the lobby, we take in the unfolding drama; an old man, with liver spots and a cane, shuffles by assisted by his pretty twenty-something female companion, a hotel manager is shouting at couple of teary cleaners and a huge Nordic-looking bloke is arguing with the check-in clerk that his prostitute is the same one as earlier but upon closer inspection he realises it's not. Pattaya, Thailand, a place neither of us had wanted to come to yet here we are.
"Thank God this is only for a few days, eh?" John says. I nod in agreement.
After a few laps of the revolving doors, we spill out onto the street and into a wall of tropical humidity. Nevertheless, despite the conditions, we are determined to make the first leg on our Southeast Asian tour a good one; after the week from hell we just went through we owe it to ourselves, and it is after all my birthday.
Outside we get directions from the doorman to the best beach bar for Piña Coladas. Without flinching — it's 10 a.m. — he kindly points us in the right direction. Thankfully, it's not long before we stumble upon it; picturesque with it's open sides and thatched roof, our hearts sink when we realise that it's not quite open for business yet. However, with a little financial convincing from John, the Thai barmaid, who's just started to set up, agrees to start serving us.
Three Piña Coladas later, John rests his head on the bar. I'm left alone, except for the Thai barmaid. When she's finished setting up, she sits down on a stool behind the bar and seemingly from out of nowhere produces a game of Connect Four. She chooses red, I'm left with yellow.
Without speaking we start playing and after a few games I realise I'm having my ass kicked, three-nil. I'm trying to focus and get at least one win but it's not easy, both the Piña Coladas and her game skills are really good. Ten minutes later, I throw in the towel at seven-nil.
"Hey man, do you fancy a game?" I nudge John but only manage to get a grunt.
Not wanting the same fate this early, I decide to slow the pace down and order a beer. Outside the sun is strong and a mild breeze is making the palm trees sway ever so slightly. The tropical blue waters are peaceful and not many people are venturing out to do much of anything. Inside, with the rhythmic whir of the ceiling fan overhead, my mind begins to cloud over with memories of the past week; I try to concentrate on the picture perfect images outside but it's no good.
"Do you want to hear a story?" I ask the Thai barmaid. She smiles.
