from Amy M. Lam Wai Man's "Bodysite: Bodyscapes"
sun/moon
in chinese calligraphy
together they make brilliant
bright
or enlightened
the two together light the way to the next place
shapes shift in the brilliance
the boundary between you and me blurs
each of us bright as stars in our several identities
ink washes over us under the moonlight
the center of gravity moves between us
never in a straight line
my body is made up of so much water
you swim like an eel to the water's edge
resurface and find me waiting
my body is painted by the play of light
dark then light
then dark
then light
there is no center here
deep in my belly
there's a place there waiting
I paint my body and give up control
dark then light
then dark
then light
we approach the edge without thinking "how is it?"
or "how should it be?"
there is movement of text upon cloud dragon paper
"it is not distress
it is distance, mere distance"
this is not Chinese
neither in content
nor in execution
You have lost your faith
the important thing obscured by irony
"Tempis fugit" as the pedantic say
Yet you ignore the image of death above your shoulder
and delay again
The meaning of words pondered
The image of the beloved defaced with foreign glyphs
The ravaged face and peeling skin
My sores disgust you
My complexity sends you fleeing our efforts
to act like lovers
when we do not love each other
You are faithless now
Yet I have never believed in your faith
I do not share your religious obsessions which seem neurotic
seen together with your disregard for mortal suffering
It seems I simply live to serve some spirit within your being
I fall prey to self-excoriation
And you cannot escape your need to punish both me and you
You have made me eternally discontent and bitter
And you have made me strong
Yet you put my strength to no good use
other than to endure your torment
The night is endless dark & lonely
I prostrate myself before your will to no avail
The words cannot be spoken: take me and use me
Use me to find the important thing
The cornflowers gone forever as an unheard prayer
I want to eradicate the memory of your self
inside me
the way you opened me up
inside
in and in and in and in
to a new place
inside me
deep and somewhere else
the memory of that other self inside me remains here with me
my hands forgot themselves
they flew like little birds across your skin
you clambered inside me
found the ocean
warm sea
rocking rocking rocking
mouth of the river
water rolling from the river to the sea
in and in and in and in
the screaming of small birds beneath your ear
the whispered queries ("what is it you need?")
the demands a murmur within me ("Describe it")
my focus fractured then re-
assembled a thousand ways inside my body
arms and thighs four pillars about me
holding up the sky
arms and legs four thin pillars
hold up the sky for me to swim in its brilliant bowl
arms and thighs four pillars
giving me shelter
bringing me to that new world
bringing me home
(inside me
inside me
inside me
inside
me
you were inside me
I will the forgetting
but I cannot forget)
Donna Snyder is the founder and coordinator of El Paso's Tumblewords Project, which has been presenting creative writing workshops and performance events in the Texas/New Mexico/Chihuahua border region since 1995. She has been a featured performer at literary events throughout the Border region, and has published in a variety of small magazines including Puerto Del Sol, NuCity, Sin Fronteras, and Chrysalis.
Comments (closed)
Trys
2009-04-30 20:37:12
Brilliant, sharp, intelligent, uncompromising, musical flow! You make it look so easy and effortless. Other people have to work very very hard to even come close to your natural gifts. Your themes, styles and perspectives are always fresh and unexpected ... and the pictures you paint are much more real than the 3rd world most of us occupy.