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Catching Up with Frankenstein

Some people still call me 
The Monster, yeah,
Though I never cared for that, myself.
Mostly, it’s Frank, Frankie - 
Doc never gave me a proper first name.

Igor - remember him? 
The hunchbacked assistant -
He asked me to be the godfather of his second kid,
Bless his heart.
I just got a call from him,
Still assisting mad scientists.
Loves to keep busy.

I had enough of rampaging through villages -
The crowds, the torches, people screaming.
It got old.
Some of them, those townspeople, 
When they start their carrying on:
‘Oh burghermeister! 
The Monster did this, he did that -
Let’s get him! Kill him!’
I need that aggravation? - No.

Weather-wise,
It’s much nicer here.
I don’t miss the European winters anymore – 
What’s to miss?
I only ever had that one damn suit
And those big shoes were murder on ice.
Here it’s Hawaiian shirts, shorts.
Sun year-round, a much easier life.
Cards every Thursday and they keep the pool clean.

I had been keeping in touch with the Count – 
You know, Dracula, but he prefers the Count.
He says it’s a legit title from the old country – 
Who knows? With his ego…
Our wives were always close, cards at the holidays.
Our daughters went to camp together,
That sort of thing.
So we heard about this place when it opened up – 
The Mummy and his family 
Decided to go back to Egypt.

I hear Freddie Kruger is looking at a unit,
But if you were to ask me,
I’d say let’s keep this place strictly for the old
Universal monsters.
Some of these people, 
They don’t know from real horror.

Get this:
Some guy, from a piercing place –
Have you seen this? 
They put an earring in your face,
Anywhere you want it. Crazy!
This guy wants to 
Market my neckbolts:
Licensing, trademarks, the whole routine.
My lawyer and accountant 
Are looking into that.
A few extra dollars - why not?

I still get recognized from time to time,
Which is gratifying.
In the Key Food, buying gas, on line at the video place. 
I always take time for the fans –
One guy wanted a picture with 
His kid balanced on my head.
I should refuse him?
No, I count my blessings.

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