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Twin Hustle
The identical twins Peter and John were working the street. They were educated and once upon a time were hardly streetwise, now they were in it for the money. They liked the thrill of it. Their mother, Mrs. Carlotta Castille, was a religious woman. She spent half her days going from Fatima shrine to Fatima shrine, so her sons, after being altar boys, became rent boys for some of the most exotically wealthy patrons in the country, and spent their nights seeking risk-taking adventures. In fact, tonight they are again up in Manhattan.
“Tonight I’d like to roll the best of them, or leave them at the wrong side of the bed, disheveled, in an uncompromising position…”
“Like the one who told us he was tied up so we’d have to get it on quickly. We sure tied him up… Can you imagine the bellboy when he got a look at him?”
“Oh, that bellboy who thought the businessman was in a straitjacket and was afraid he’d be charged with a crime, so he threw him out the window.”
“Did he get life?”
“No, he was lucky.”
“There comes a guy in a Mercedes.”
It’s starting to rain.
“He’s got a Christopher in his car, even when the Pope admits St. Christopher never existed.”
“Hey fella… could one of you get in?”
“We come together.”
“Wow. This must be my lucky night.”
John gets in the front and puts his leg next to the guy.
“I’m Bob… guys…”
“You look familiar, Bob.”
“Oh, you watch the soaps?”
“Sure.”
“I’ve been in Splendid Nights. But didn’t you see me in the movie, Hot Rod?”
“Is that porno?”
“No guy, I won the Academy Award last year for best supporting actor.”
“Wow, you’re Bob Naches!”
“Sure.”
“We’d like to get a part in your next movie. Just extras.”
“I can arrange anything. I get two million a picture.”
“I never knew you were gay.”
“Oh, my publicity agent would kill me… Would you mind coming up to my apartment?”
“No, sir.”
They open the car door.
“Who would you like us to be?”
“Just be my movers for now. Help me move. I have some luggage in the back of the car. Just got in from L.A.”
“Sure, we’ll help you out.”
They proceed to help with Bob’s things.
“I’ll make it worth your while.”
“You married?”
“Yes, to Lynn Baker. Didn’t you know?”
“You swing both ways?”
“No, but she does.”
“Sure, we understand.”
“It’s publicity that ruins my life.”
The boys bring suitcases up the lobby steps and into the bedroom.
“I never had two for one before.”
“You probably won’t ever again.”
“You guys sure are sexy and young.”
“I’m young…”
“How do you do?”
“And I’m sexy.”
“Likewise. Let’s get down to business. I’m beat and I need to relax. Wow, you guys are hot.”
John throws Bob on the bed. They always get their biggest thrill when their victim realizes he’s going to die.
“Hey, you aren’t serious with that knife… I’ll give you all my money.”
“We don’t want or need your stupid money.”
“Did Lynn put you up to this?”
“Sure… if you want to believe it.”
Peter smiles wryly.
“With who else, Mr. Saperstein, my publicity agent? I know they were two-timing me… Please, guys, don’t kill me…”
“We were only just kidding, Mr. Natches. We’re just showing you our acting abilities.”
“Oh, man. You had me fooled for a minute there.”
“Kill him, the bastard!”
They throw his body under the bed after stabbing him. Peter hands John Bob’s money.
They go down the steps/
In The Morning Post the Bob Natches headline makes them happy, as much as the time they got the Wall Street executive who had swindled millions.
“I sometimes think we are doing mother’s work for God, getting these guys who are so filled with themselves.”
“Pride is a terrible sin, mother always said.”
“I’d never go after some poor horny dude; no challenge.”
“Nah.”
“Do you think Jacqueline and Jill would like to go out with us tonight?”
“Sure, but don’t get drunk again or they might turn us in; like the last time when you started to tell them what we do.”
“No, we’ve got too much on these twins, and their hustle.”
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