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To Kaan Erkam's previous piece

The Eyes of the Fish
The Ears of the Snail

His friend was shouting at the young man whose dark glasses, supporting two eye bands, indicated he couldn't see. The fish in the jar, who saw all that was going on but never heard anything and so couldn't attach any meaning to what it saw; and didn't care anyway (the girl who had brought it as a present had said its name was the little black fish, but the fish itself was quite unaware of this fact); kept looking at these gestures and continuing to be in the darkness as to their meaning. Although the noise reaching inside the jar was muffled, the words were heard by the snail attached to the inner surface of the glass.

The shouting friend was talking with nervous gestures.

- You can't do this. This is not what we planned.. No, I don't accept…

The unseeing one was calm.

- It's silly to say this is not what we planned. We just hadn't considered this aspect of the plan. We can't stop now. And also, it's not important whether you accept it or not.

The one shouting was suddenly a thousand pieces.

- What? What do you mean not important…Have I not been your friend and your assistant for the past seven years?!

The obviously unseeing one kept his calm.

- Don't be stupid, that's not what I meant. She's gone shopping. What are you going to say to her? Come on, this is the most important part of it all. It's a big chance that it showed up, even though it wasn't planned.

At this point a girl, seen by the fish but unnoticed by the snail until now, interrupted. She supported the calm one.

- He's right.. We were afraid to consider this aspect... But it happened. We can't stop it now.

The shouting friend accepted defeat easily.

- To hell with you. What if everything comes out someday....

None could answer him.

When the gestures ceased, the fish swam on, as if expecting a change. The snail fell asleep.

THROUGH THE UNSEEING EYES OF THE BLIND ONE

While reading the book called "Reader Girl", I had begun to wonder how a blind person would feel. How would new colors be explained to him or what would be his concept of beauty…

I called my assistants. I told them I had decided to be blind. They didn't understand me. I had decided to write a play. A blind man and a girl who read books to him. But the girl will have difficulties. There will be an end to words. A nice project. There will be no story of the blind youth and the noble girl that are so popular in old time Turkish movies or a great love as in "Butterflies Are Free". Only feelings… An ad will be placed in the newspaper,

LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS TO READ BOOKS TO A SIGHTLESS PLAYWRIGHT. TEL: … … …

A selection will be made among the volunteers and a blind person's life will be experienced for 15 days.

THROUGH THE EYES OF THE FRIEND

First, a visit to the optician, looking for the answer to the question of how a temporary blindness could be provided for our actor to feel the emotional experiences of an unseeing person.

An eye band was attached to the eyes. During the day, dark glasses would be worn over the bands; during the night, only the bands would remain.

The plan was beautiful. No lights would be on at home at night. There would be a few colored low energy light bulbs for the two assistants. The actor would take a bath every two days without opening his eyes. The male assistant would help with the bathing sessions under a weak light. Bravo.

THROUGH THE EYES OF THE GIRL NOTICED LATER ON

The actor's approach was an emotional one. He could not play a blind man without understanding him.

There was great interest in the ad. Ninety five percent of those who called were women. They asked questions and were interested in the answers. I gave out appointments every one and a half hours. According to the plan, I was the sister. When the actor arrived, I went - supposedly - shopping. I returned in an hour.

I spent this time in Mecidiyeköy wandering around with the shouting friend. And in the remaining thirty minutes, I was taking note of the actor's impressions. The same tape rolled again when the new reader arrived. I was off shopping; the reader marched to the living room....

THE NOW APPARENT ACTOR

People were strange.. My blindness was already accepted. Only few asked the reason. Mostly, the initial dialogues went thus:

- Hello.

- Hello.

- I'm so and so..

- And I'm that blind person.. Pleased to meet you.

- So am I.

SILENCE

- So, what am I going to read?

At this point my instincts came into play. I chose a book contradicting the soul of the mistress of the voice. I chose an emotional book if she was tough, an insensitive one if she was emotional, an erotic one if she was shy and listened to them.

It was interesting.

It was even more than that

I tried to imagine what they looked like and guess about their lives. I allotted half an hour of the time to the reading and then, saying I was tired of the reading, I started asking them personal questions. My favorite question was - describe yourself to me. How does a woman describe herself… Especially to someone who can't see…

And the conclusion was:

- Are you beautiful?

Oh, how interesting the answers were.

The majority replied SO-SO, while some said NO. My assistants told me that the ones saying NO were more beautiful than the ones saying SO-SO.

I didn't care.

And one day Seher came.

- I'm Seher… What shall I read?

I didn't understand anything from her voice. She was calm and serene while talking but she was living through and breathing life into everything she read. I knew that someone would be the MOST of this thing. She was it. The most interesting, the most exciting and most of all....the cleverest...

From now on, Seher was going to come every day. Transportation was paid even though she was a volunteer. There were two others like Seher.

But Seher was the MOST. My interest in the others had faded.

THE SHOUTING FRIEND

My friend's comments were interesting. Sometimes I was terrified. The show was approaching the end. The conclusion of the plan was thus. The playwright who was temporarily blind anyway was going to be able to see again with an operation performed abroad. There would be a vacation of 10 days and after 15 days, all the readers would be invited and thanked. It was simple, funny, but the most logical conclusion. The important point was for the actor to be able to see everyone he had commented on and settle things within himself.

But this Seher business was going bad.

THE GIRL NOTICED LATER ON

Although he liked Seher, he was professional enough not to let this effect anything.

He was just interested in this change. But that day....

THE ACTOR

Seher did not leave that day when her time was up. She was curious about my writings. She read me the draft of my book. Her voice indicated that she really liked what she was reading. After a short silence, she talked on in a determined voice.

- I have permission from home to stay out tonight. I will not return home.

I was surprised.

- So... - the end of the remark was left open.

- So we can drink our rakis tonight. .. said her voice, smiling in my ear. She was going to stay here.

Yes, I had told her that one day we could have raki together. That day had come.

There was nothing to drink at home. I told her I would have someone fetch it, but she wouldn't listen to me. She would go shopping herself. She went out.

PANIC

The panic a few moments ago was due to this situation, the shouting friend had understood how the evening would end. But he was not happy about this unplanned development. The girl noticed afterwards was thinking in a feminine way and was curious about the conclusion without comments. The actor was already determined.

SEQUEL

The actor was alone at home when Seher returned... She prepared the meal and the table, explaining at every step what she was doing and how she was doing it. The table was set. The actor living blindly for the past twelve days helped without bumping into everywhere. Seher had lit only a candle. She wanted to share the darkness. The dinner ended with excited conversation. There was an interesting film on the television. They would watch that. Or rather, listen to it. Seher wanted to turn down the contrast and share the actors feelings. The actor objected. Seher should explain the scenes he didn't understand. Because sometimes there was an end to words in the movies. The actor wanted to live through the feelings there.

It was late as the words ended.

They would go to bed.

But how?

The actor wished her good night and went silently to his bed.

The girl noticed afterwards had prepared sheets and pillows beside the sofa in the living room.

- Good night...

The night was really good. A few minutes after the actor went to bed, Seher approached him. She put her arms around him. First she placed a small call kiss on the actors lips. Disregarding the speed of his beating heart, the actor answered her butterfly kiss with an evasive one.

Seher repeated the call. The actor responded positively. Then there was no question anymore.

The actor experiencing blind love making was not having any difficulty in finding what he was searching for. Seher had soft skin and a natural body odor. This odor was intensely effecting the actor and he was dying to see her face. But, no. He would not do this. This love making was a result of mutual affection. Not a result of blindness or pity. But her face?

Unlike many women, Seher came silently on top of him. First she held the actor's arms strongly and then buried her face in his neck, with a deep intake of breath. She held this breath for a while before letting go. She was left powerless and stayed thus for some time. She was not asking questions to ruin the moment. It was her turn now, she would return the pleasure she had received. She slid down, taking in all the energy of the actor with her lips, along with her own taste. And then she came back up with the last trace of her power and put her arms around this man she hardly knew. Sleep was on its way. It came quickly and they both slept. They rose early the next morning. Seher had to go. But she would not come to read that day. And the actor would leave for abroad the following day. That was the direction the play had taken. They would see each other in fifteen days.

They kissed without addressing the night. Seher left.

CONCLUSION

This was an experiment. The actor was curious about the life of a blind person. But the feeling of this experience was incomplete. When he asked the readers to describe red, he knew already what red was. This event had led him only to the acquisition of close estimations of a blind life. And Seher. Seher; who had left ultimately on that day and never answered the repeated phone calls again.

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