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I'll Never Tell

Ammunition can be a terrible, 
nasty thing. 

There was one phrase
that was embedded in my Hollywood mind,
like fireworks and forged prescriptions,
"Don't tell anyone about this."
It became a mantra, a chant, an
afterthought that followed the 
admission of guilt, the deeply
scarred confession or the revelation 
that all was not as it appeared to be. 
And my response was always assuring and 
so convincing, that it often led to a trust
of some sorts and gave way to the divulging
of even more wicked information.
"I'll never tell." 

I'll never tell that an actress had a fiancé, 
a boy faced teen heart throb, and he went to Miami 
and fucked a hooker and his best friend ratted him 
out and the girl was left broken hearted and 
as a result, her career went nowhere but she 
slept with half of Hollywood trying to elevate 
herself above the status of a once loved bride-to-be. 

I'll never tell that a certain Latin lover boy 
is a bisexual cocaine freak whose hobbies include 
date rapes and violent sex and to the rest of the 
world he is portrayed as a kind and giving person 
but in truth, I spent a weekend with him and the
silly man couldn't even get it up until I 
showed him an airbrushed picture of himself. 

I'll never tell that the majority of the men 
I met - even the ones with wives - preferred the 
company of boys and while they convince the 
public that they are macho, sensitive and indefinitely
heterosexual, the whole thing is a sham and is one of
the longest running jokes in Hollywood. Believe me, 
I bear the battle scars left behind by a few too many
nameless names who tire themselves with exhausting
secrecy and shame and "it's all part of the game".

But I will tell you this: while I pride myself on
being a true, trusted friend, I learned something
in the drug-induced trenches of cocksucking starlets 
and closeted cover boys: confidentiality is a rare 
but valued quality, so if you piss somebody off, 
the everlasting affects of literary revenge can be 
just as rewarding as a well-guarded secret and 
a two-year contract.  

Because like Hollywood, 
ammunition is a terrible,
nasty thing. 

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