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Lindsay's Book
part 5

Getting Ready to Go

saturday night blow out
          go out
          where were you then?
the movies?
I can't remember
          big deal of 25 years ago
          reduced to a few anecdotes
I've got your picture here
I was no one except
Lindsay's boyfriend
          I didn't have to say it
          everybody knew
though after you killed yourself
no one remembered me
they remembered Bobbie
didn't know I was carrying a torch 
          or blamed myself 
          for letting you go
it never occurred to me
to describe the scenery
          it was a poet's life
          without putting down a word
it was saturday nights
blow outs 
and parties and dreams
and Nature parades in pearls 
          and stars and stoles and scars
                    and holes 
               and hours of strolling
down Lincoln Road 
with shopping bags, perfume samples
from Sax Fifth Avenue and 
are you there?
          telephones, busy signals
calling back, cruising your house
             the night of a fight
checking you out 
for lovers
shadows in your windows
          I should have kept notes
more photographs
     done research
     interviewed your family
          so on March 19, 1999
I called your brother
     he was at home
     54
     a real estate broker
          August 15, 1974
     he said that's when it happened
I loved you, I told him 
          about my commitment
          to your memory
confessed my dedication
to keeping you and me
     sweet children in history            
he said you always cared for me
     "that ought to make you 
feel better," he said
                  and it did

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