I arrived at my new job bright and early the next day, nervous at what I might find, but glad for the free coffee. (Munchables were fifty percent off. Cheapskates!) Having worked at similar positions in the past, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Mindless work, after all, is the same from one job to the next. It wasn’t until the end of the day that something strange occurred.
I was cleaning up in the back of the store when I heard a strange noise coming from the wall behind me. It was muffled and just barely audible, but it was there, nonetheless. I pictured the layout of the store in my head and realized that the wall I was hearing things from wasn’t abutting any other store. Only the other two walls did that, not counting the wall that was adjacent to the storefront. Again, I sensed something wasn’t right.
Since I was alone in the back, I walked over to the wall and placed my ear against it. Still muffled, but there was definitely something happening on the other side. But how to find out what was another question; perhaps one I didn’t necessarily want the answer to. I did know one thing, though: there was no way to find anything out, there and then. I’d have to wait until I was alone and couldn’t hear any noise coming from behind the wall. Then at least I could snoop around. Of course, I didn’t even know how to get back there in the first place, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. I simply had to be patient and bide my time.
I wouldn’t have to wait long. I was asked to open up the next morning and was given a key and the security code to get in. I suppose they were very trusting at Starbucks. Then again, what was there steal, other than some day-old danish? The money left with the manager every night. Now all I had to do was sneak back there before the store opened and have myself a good look around.
***
I arrived an hour before my actual shift started. That would give me plenty of time, I figured. (Or prayed, at any rate.) If something amiss was indeed going on back there, losing my job was the least of my worries. Still, someone had to do something and that someone might as well have been me. After all, I didn’t have anything else occupying my time.
I went to the back room and again pressed my ear to the wall. No noises, this time. I sucked in my breath and knocked gently on the wall. Definitely not a solid wall, I realized. But how was I to get on the other side? I tapped up and down and all around, and nothing happened. I couldn’t feel any seems or handles to pull on. There was, it appeared, no outwardly way in. There was, however, an underly way in.
I noticed it just as I was about to give up and go grab a day-old muffin. (Screw that half-off nonsense. I was all ready in up to my neck, what were a few more inches?) The floor beneath me was tiled. Perhaps one of them lifted up to reveal a way behind the wall. Sure enough, one tile easily came up and off, revealing a small, silver knob. With my heart pounding, I gently turned the knob. Instantly, the floor in front of the wall started to shift downwards, creating a short staircase down. Not exactly the technology you’d expect at a Starbucks, I thought.
I checked my watch before making the descent. I still had a half hour to go until my shift started. Easily enough time to check out my find and make it back out before anyone else arrived. I eased my way down the staircase, found a light switch, and then spotted an identical stairway in front of me that I could clearly see rose up behind the wall. Eureka, I had found my entryway! And I was immediately overcome with the smell of coffee beans. Perhaps this was nothing more than a storage facility.
Perhaps not.
I climbed up and into the room behind the wall. It was small, but incredibly packed. In the center of the room was a surveillance counter with several small screens, which showed nothing but the storefront and backroom. To the left of this were about a dozen bags of coffee beans (hence the smell), and to the right were three large drums with strange markings on them. I couldn’t yet put my finger on it, but something wasn’t right.
I noticed numerous scrolls of paper in a canister beneath the video monitors and proceeded to open them, one by one. Each one was a star map with two initials written on the top; each was clearly a different location within the Centaurus A galaxy. One map was identical to the Bay Area map of locations I had previously seen. The others were similar, but clearly represented other cities throughout the world. A map, that represented the center of the galaxy, had S.W. written on top. It only took me a second to figure that one out: Seattle, Washington. Headquarters. Or was it home base for a group of star travelers? Perhaps Star Bucks. I knew that the top three executives were all men, after all. The pieces were fitting together. But why coffee? And why here? They had come along way from their own galaxy, if such was the case. (An awfully long distance just to make crappy coffee.)
I didn’t have long to ponder that, though. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed on the screen that there were people approaching the front door: the manager and a man I didn’t recognize. My heart leapt to my throat. What was I to do? There was nowhere to hide. That’s when I spotted the knob on the console. It was identical to the one I had found embedded in the floor. With a quick prayer to the almighty, I turned it. Thankfully, the stairs on the other side rose again to their original position, just before the men entered the store. Safe. At least for the time being. Though I was, after all, still trapped.
I watched the men on the screens. Fortunately, they were audio and visual monitors. I could easily make out every word. Nothing out of the ordinary, until…
“When do our brothers arrive with the replacement drums?” asked my manager.
“Two days,” answered the other man.
“Same shipment as usual?”
“No. Several more orders than normal. Remember, we’re opening 150 more locations over the next month.”
“Of course. And are we still on schedule with that?”
“Most definitely. Once the Antarctic location opens up in 2006, we will have covered the entire planet with a minimum of 10,000 locations. Easily enough to mutate these humans by the time the hole is capable of doing any harm to the home world. Right on schedule, as planned.”
“Thankfully, these humans are so susceptible to their addictions.”
“Quite. By the time we arrive, only a mere 10% of the population should be unaffected; an easy number to contain by our vast fleet.”
“Stupid humans.”
“Yes. We should have known how easy it was going to be once we realized how much they’d pay for a cup of crappy coffee.”
“Exactly. Now let’s go get the remaining drum out of the car before the workers arrive. Prop the door open and let’s be quick about it.”
And with that, they were out of the store. With no time to spare, I returned the scrolls to their bin, turned the knob again, and ran as fast as I could back to the storage room, where I hid behind the counter. They were back in about a minute and I listened as they wheeled the drum in and activated the stairs. Once they went down, I ran, as fast as I could, out of the store and down the street. I doubt they suspected anything because no one was chasing after me. And by the time I made it to the local police station, I was about ready to pass out.
Now all I had to do was relate the story to the authorities. They were sure to believe me, right? How could I possible make such a thing up? Fine, San Francisco is full of insane people running rampant through the streets, but I assumed they’d all been to Starbucks before; didn’t all of this make a great deal of sense? 365 stores? Why on earth would we need so much coffee unless earth had nothing to do with it? And why would we pay so much for such God-awful stuff unless we were being drugged to do so?
Anyway, I had no choice. It was either that or face the consequences. So I did my civic duty and related everything I knew to the first officer that would hear me out. Yes, I know he thought I was a wack job, but at least I did my best. They let me go about an hour after I arrived and said they’d be in touch. I had my doubts, but thanked the man just the same. I figured that if I didn’t hear anything in a week, I could always go to the papers with it. At least I could raise some suspicions.
