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Roadside Vision
Bill Williams Jr. standing in front of Busy Bee Baptist Church hears a woman hysterically calling to him.
“You’re him! I know you will be my husband. I had a dream last night and you fit God’s description.”
“Listen, I don’t believe in your dream, your god, your ghosts.”
“But you are so gorgeous, you are like a god. And I deserve the best.”
The young wide-hipped woman drops her big black Bible outside the church.
“You’ve got it wrong. My car just broke down and I’m waiting for help.”
“Some of the elders will help you, or my brother Bigger surely will. When that’s taken care of, then we can get down to our business.”
“Lady, I don’t get you.”
“I’ve kept myself – if you know what I mean – for just this life and death day.” Her big cow eyes seem to go blank.
“I’m not the type of guy to wear a chastity belt, honey, or a Bible belt. You really need to get back to your service or get back to your senses.”
“I’m Madga Small and I would like to service you. I sure bet God would be pleased.” She puts her tiny hand on his shoulder.
“I think you should get lost.”
Bill is getting frustrated and turns away from Magda. She runs into the church and gets Bigger. Bigger is a mechanic, but he specializes in the personal service industry. They both run arguing out of the church, Bigger with his toolbox in hand.
Bill turns around. “Two kooks at once.”
“Bigger is a teenage hustler but because I made him, he has come to church with me today. We ran away from home. I just know I am your wife-to-be!” Magda beams up at him.
“Keep dreaming, honey. Are you guys on drugs?”
“Big deal, everyone around here is on drugs. Bigger, defend me!”
“Why should I, Magda? You got me into the life.”
“Life is prostitution,” says Magda, retouching her lipstick.
Spike-haired and rangy, Bigger takes off his mustard-colored muscle shirt and fixes Bill’s Mustang.
Bill takes out his wallet and gives Bigger fifty dollars for services rendered. Magda heads for the front seat of the car and hops in.
“Get out of my car, honey.”
“I noticed in the Sunday school room some pretty balloons and colored cardboard for a ‘Just Married’ sign.”
Bill turns to Bigger, who is chewing his nails. “What is wrong with your sister, Bigger?”
“She’s been on the run, like me, for quite a while. She had this dream last night that she keeps bellyaching about.”
“It ain’t me. I’m not marriage material.”
“Do you like my muscled, Bill?”
“I work out too, Bigger, but I’m not interested.”
“I’m not interested in church like Magda is, but in making money or making out. The Pastor here tried to baptize both of us, and he went for both of us too. He even gave us some money from the love offering.”
“Man, where the hell am I out here on the road?”
Magda sticks her head out of the window. “Are you really lost, Bill?”
“Shut up, Mag. He’s talking to me.”
“You bastard, Bigger. You’re always trying to get my men away.”
Bigger leans against the car and against Bill.
Magda yells, “I found a gun in the glove compartment along with lots of money and whiskey. Are you a cop or a robber?”
“What’s it to you? Get the hell out of the car!” She locks the door and Bill struggles to open it.
“The gun is loaded, Bill, I can tell, and I’m going to get loaded. Bigger, this guy must have robbed a bank. Get in here, Billy boy, or I will blow your head off, and you too, Bigger; you better get in the back seat and watch Billy boy here. And if he makes trouble, put him in a neck hold.”
Bigger forces Bill to get in the car, as Magda points the gun at Bill’s face. She pulls out and drives away.
“You thought I was a crazy Christian, didn’t you, when you saw me with the Bible the Pastor gave me in front of the church? In the church, they’re mostly like us, only they hide it behind their smiles and holy words.”
“My grandmother read the Bible to me. I couldn’t make sense of it.”
“After I leave a client I usually chill out by putting on the TV evangelists in the motels.”
“Is your sister a flake, Bigger?”
“No crazier than I am. Hand over the money, Mag – I wanna touch it.”
Magda stops the car on a deserted lane.
“Look at all this green stuff in clean crispy bills. And don’t tell me you’re a bank manager or a cop.”
Magda finds a half-eaten sandwich and gives it to bigger, who sniffs it and throws it out the window.
“I want the money, Mag.”
Bigger grabs the gun from Magda and holds it on Bill, who is sweating.
“You just watch it now,” Bigger grins, his mouth a dark jagged line.
“I know you are my husband, Bill. I mean, God actually talked to me, you know. But it looks like a Sunday church wedding is out. I know a Justice of the Peace in Wakeville; I used to give him full body massage…and he owes me one.”
“You yourself don’t even believe in what you’re saying. You know this isn’t going to work.”
“Believe me, Bill, she really does believe that the right man will marry her today. All the time Mag tells me she hears from spirits.”
“I think she’s drinking them.”
“You said it. Now we have to get over to that Justice of the Peace.”
“How do you know I’m not married already?”
“I didn’t see a ring, and in the vision you were 6’2” with black hair and with the face I see in the car mirror.”
“You’re a lying crazy bitch!”
“I like it when you talk back to my sister.”
Magda looks hurt. “Bigger, I have to pee.”
They all get out of the car and Bigger says, while Magda is off in the woods for a few minutes, “Let’s get rid of Mag. She’s a drag anyway. She used to be a man, you know.”
“Jesus, I’m with a couple of nonconformists.”
“Your life is in my hands, Bill, and I like the feeling of power.”
“You mean the power over a man…”
Magda yells out to them, “You guys quit fooling around. I know what you are up to.”
“Magda wasn’t really a man.”
“Afraid of her if she was?”
“You just like to keep a guy guessing.”
“You might say that. Feel my muscles.”
“Listen, I’m a straight shooter.”
“That’s what I like about you. Like the way a daddy should be. So you wanna can Mag?”
“Please take your hand off my can.”
“We never did have worse sex than with that preacher.”
“I don’t want to hear about it.”
“Sure you do. What are you, a handsome prude? Everyone wants to hear about sex. Or are you more interested in the preacher and Mag kinda sex?”
“Not really. Bigger, I’ll cut you a deal. I’ll give you half the dough and you can just go.”
“It ain’t that easy, Bill.”
The three of them get back in the car.
“We’re both crazy about you.” “Man, why?”
Magda winks at Bill. “Just look in the mirror. I can’t wait to get into that hot bod.”
“So all I am is a body here?”
“What, you think you have a soul?” Magda smiles.
It is getting dark and they pull over, this time at a truck stop.
“Bill, we have to marry tonight to fulfill my vision. I don’t want to have sex with you in the car ‘cause God won’t allow it. Maybe that preacher could marry us, since I can’t remember where that damn Justice lives. But then we’d have to backtrack…”
“Perhaps he would do a ceremony at the evening service.”
Magda says, “Preacher man digs me.”
“Maybe, but he sure liked me personally in that baptismal pool and I bed he’d like to get his hands on us again, and not have to pay for it.”
“I told the pastor I was a reform school girl, and a girl can’t be too careful. You ever go to school, Bill?”
“After the service I went on to junior college.”
“I bet you played sports, with those strong legs.”
“I need some sleep, Magda. This has been a heavy day.”
“First tell me how much you love me, and what this day means to you.”
“This is a nightmare.”
“Just one kiss before I drive…”
“Shut up, Mag. You’re disturbing my man.”
“Hey, I think I remember where the Justice lives – over on Oakie drive.”
The three drive to the Justice of the Peace. But Bigger is getting jealous and at a busy intersection, pushes Magda out of the car. He takes the wheel and makes Bill sit next to him.
“Bill, it’s you and I.”
“Bigger, you must really hate Magda to leave her like that.”
“She brought me up rotten. She practically killed my parents.”
“Stop, man. You’re going seventy miles an hour. The cops are gonna get us.”
“Are you a cop?”
“Sure.”
“I felt it. I could tell Mag did too. We’ve had our fill of cops.”
“I am a cop, but I won’t arrest you, Bigger.” He shows him his badge.
“What kind of a copper are you?”
“I’m on the take, a drug deal gone bad.”
“Can I stick with you?”
“Bigger, the truth is that I’m on the run too. But I’m hoping I can get to Mexico before they find out what I’ve been doing.”
“Magda thinks God knows everything. But it’s hard to believe God gets into our heads.”
“Magda is weird, isn’t she?”
“She’s trouble. She killed a nun once.”
“Bigger, why do you have to tell me all this bull?”
“Threw her down the stairs and then put on her habit.”
“Are you Pope Innocent?”
“No, man, but she’s really sick. She poisoned her school shrink when she was nine.”
“Man, I really can’t take any more of this confession.”
“You’re not one of those former priests, are you?”
“No.”
“At the home, one of them tried to jump me, but I jumped on him and rolled him – that holy roller. So it’s you and I, Bill.”
“For how long, Bigger?”
“Were you ever with a guy?”
“To be honest, since it’s Sunday, yes, a few times in the high school locker room, and once in the Army.”
“So there is a possibility…”
“Not really, Bigger.”
“I get it. When a woman isn’t around, you won’t mind a quickie. I know a lot of guys like that. You’re afraid of jail, aren’t you, Bill?”
“I sure am.”
“So am I. You’re not pulling my leg, Bill?”
“No, you’re pulling mine.”
“You don’t want to be my father?”
“No, Bigger.”
“You don’t want me around?”
“Kid, I’m just a regular guy.”
“I ain’t gay neither. I was just kidding. I hustle for the money. I got a girlfriend back home in Waco. But Bill… you don’t want me…”
Bigger pulls out the gun and shoots Bill in the head, throws his body out, then pulls the trigger on himself.
Along the highway, the Pastor, going home for his turkey dinner, sees Magda on the highway, thumbing a ride and bleeding, and picks her up. They follow the highway and come across the bodies of Bill and Bigger. Magda shows the Pastor where the gun and money are; and Pastor takes the money for their own collection plate. They drive to Motel 6 and when they get up to their room they call up Elder Bob Berry to marry them.
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