"Crawling on Naked Belly Blues" and "Walking the Walk"

Crawling On Naked Belly Blues

Self-will doesn't run riot
it crawls on naked belly
ignores primal ooze
never bathes and is
always convinced that
love is only a fix away.

I crawl amid constant cravings
lose desire to feel real
accept death in chemical form

still a part of me snubs Thanatos
still a part of me chooses life.

The voices sing in counterpoint
  self-will a lilting soprano
  spirit a throaty alto
  weakness a base response

Body weak          Mind weak
   "but not soul weak"
a small voice reminds
    "never soul weak"

Fevered brain
rallies determination
leads to resolve’s icy brink

then drops me helpless to
fight or ignore reality.

Monkey mind finally quiet
pain-racked body sighs as
Inner Guide scrawls:

            "Help
            I can't do this alone
            show me."

Palm releases clutch as
I offer my will
   offer my life
   ask for one more chance
             one more miracle

Anpu protects unconditionally
reflects strength
honors existence
applauds persistence
whispering softly
"It is not your time to die"

Exhausted
I accept my identity
      as junkie
      as poet
      as healer
      as human.

Walking the Walk

I walk my way
                  (it's cold out here)
Alongside history
         Mingling with sociology
                  (reluctantly)
         and rejecting theology.

I walk my way
                  (crawl? totter? mince?)
Sometimes so alone
         that the crazy pain
                  (fierce)
         must be acknowledged.

I walk my way
       cloaked in illusion
            fed by delusion
       seeking a truth
                  (just one solid truth)
       creating non-lies
       sponsoring nascent images
Straining to feel my own humanity
Not sure
                Never Never Sure
What god would look like
Should he reappear
                  (or be here already).