Warrior

Kesha lets herself in through the front door. She pokes her head in the kitchen. She knocks on the bedroom door. She finds me in the bathroom, sitting by the tub, hands around my knees. She says she would’ve been there sooner but an accident on I-75 was blocking an exit and she ended up taking the long way. She takes charge, asking “where’s your purse? where’s your jacket?”

I tell her my purse is on the chair. My jacket is somewhere on the kitchen floor but I don’t know exactly where and now I’m embarrassed. It’s the jacket from her Only Love tour and there’s blood and mud on it. It cost so much and it wasn’t taken care of and why can’t I take care of things?  I don’t even know how to take care of myself and my throat hardens and there’s a blue whale swimming in my chest and the water flows from my eyes.  She says no, you don’t have to wear that one and finds a thin gray cardigan hanging on the knob of the closet in my bedroom. She helps me off the bathroom floor. I apologize over and over for bothering her but I didn’t know who to call. All of my friends think the guy I left with last night was so gorgeous and so great  and my phone is going off with eggplant texts and I don’t want to talk to any of them or anyone except her and I’m so sorry, I say again.

She gets me in the car. She says she already made the appointment. The urgent care is 20 minutes away. She had to scroll and scroll to find the “e” for emergency visit and how the fuck was dandruff an emergency and I burst out laughing and yell “ow”  and I want to tell her about when my shower didn’t work and there was no water pressure but that sounds dumb now and we are in the parking lot. She walks with me and points to a chair and I sit while she checks me in. She picks up an In Touch Weekly and raises her eyebrows at the headline, “that’s true,” she tells me and when the nurse says my name and I turn my head towards her before I walk in, she says she’s coming with me, she’s not going to leave me in there by myself and we go in together. You’re a warrior, she whispers to me  fter the nurse asks why I’m there and I cartwheel in the air, from one building to another, with each dab of the swab.