Antidotes for Loneliness in a Goldfish Bowl
by James Wall, December 2004
"Should I take his leg off, do you think?"
"I dunno."
"You see them going around all the time with only one leg. They do fine. Usually the ones with only one leg are the fattest of all!"
"I suppose it's the best thing."
Dog Days
by Robert Levin, December 2004
"And in the following months-and along with a discombobulated Annie's exclamation: "My God, she's just a puppy!" echoing in my head-I was seeing similar expressions everywhere. No one was liking me anymore. In fact, no one was liking me anymore for shit."
Supermarket
by B. Z. Niditch, December 2004
"I'm in the supermarket. Could be in Manhattan, Johannesburg, Stockholm or Tel Aviv. There, in aisle one, are the all-sufficient ones. Everything is packaged, even their smiles. The know-it-all faces. The ones who have gone through everything and need no one to tell them anything."
Fifty-Fifty
by Norman A. Ruben, December 2004
"That announcement in the tabloids created a big sensation in the meat-producing industry. To those astute manufacturers this meat product was the most daring and novel experiment undertaken by a sausage producer; namely to produce sausages with fifty percent chicken and to market the product at a low price."
Cracked Mirror
by Kurtice Kucheman, November 2004
"One more thing. I've got genital warts."
from The Fuck-Idol Juncture Line
by Andrew Lundwall, November 2004
"MOUTH juncture lapsed from the lineage stark for homage blue genitals oh entrance of shadows vibrant when absolutely seized stood just awkward transfixed plunging groaning the watch came sipped open in sound of collapsible aroused city gracious entrance cock together dreams directions atmosphere into fire"
Total World Domination
by Rob Rosen, November 2004
"Something wasn't right. How could this be? What could be the rationale for three Starbucks positioned so close to each other? I decided to hop into this third location and do some investigating. Luckily, this was more of a sit down café than the other two and they even provided a couple of computers for their clientele. Not too surprisingly, the homepage on the vacant computer I sat down to was all ready set on the Starbucks website. (Does their genius have no end?)"
The Friends of Eddie Steinhauer
by Ron Spurga, November 2004
"Charlie didn't reply. Rage raged through his body. Lying next to her he could smell the layers of dirt on her unwashed feet. He, Charlie, who used to drive with Uncle John and his cousins to Philadelphia from Port Jefferson to see the Army-Navy Game in the 1930s was stuck with this woman. Shanty-Irish from Brooklyn. He had met her on a bread line during the Depression after his uncle had thrown him out for forging checks."
Favorite Parts
by Bruce Taylor, November 2004
"She had yelped or tried not to. He had crooned her name in her ear, or meant to. She had shivered in the way he always wanted a woman to; he made noises she never would have imagined he would, nearly girlish. Once Cream was on the radio and she mentioned she had never had an orgasm to Cream before, then did, and did again. He waited until she was done and said he thought that was probably the real reason the band had broken up."
A Man Is as Good as His Word
by Zachary Burks, November 2004
"Allow me an analogy. The adjuncts, the part-timers, half the teachers on this campus, we are sharecroppers, nothing more. Let's say a school, this fine college, for instance, let's say it's a farming community, growing cotton; no, producing a different commodity, the college degree..."
The Mule and the Elephant
by Rob Rosen, October 2004
"Screw you, John. Georges have been around this land a long time. Matter of fact, the very first animal in these parts was a George. So I'm staying put."
"You forget, George. That George was no elephant, though he was known for knocking down trees, just like you."
Ghosts on Fire
by Kurtice Kucheman, September 2004
"The house was a place of forlorn despair. The lawn was way overgrown and garbage, random junk, and disturbing sculptures sat rusting on the lawn like long-defunct icons. The windows were mostly broken from vandals and drunks that lost their temper but a couple were still intact. The door hung on its hinges and before it was a ripped screen door. Entering the livingroom you would see a few couches, a barrel with a few licks of flame darting out of the rim..."
The Executioner's Groupies
by Gary Britson, September 2004
"Ever since the Iowa legislature brought back the death penalty and allowed certain defendants to be electrocuted on the giant scoreboard whenever a home run not only reached it but landed inside of a big silver ring known as The Halo, attendance had improved, even more than the legislators hoped. The Great Beyond was packed. At first, cynics argued the new attraction coincided with visits from pennant-contending teams who would have attracted fans anyway. But as the seasons progressed, even when the Lightning Bugs played losers, the stands were full."
Hawthorne's Elder Sister, Ebe
by Helen Duberstein, September 2004
"—What happened to the brother by way of punishment?
—What happened to the brother by way of punishment is nowhere stated.
—Whatever was Hawthorne thinking, do you think?"
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
by Ron Spurga, September 2004
"Elwood "Doc" Watson leaned forward in the lounge chair so Francesca could rub coconut oil on his ass. He got a hard on as her fingers worked their way to his balls. She squeezed his balls until she felt him come. He fell backwards with a sigh as tiny white dots flashed in his eyes. Francesca slipped off the top of her red bikini so Doc could suck on her nipples. They tasted like cherry lemon ice. She wrapped her legs around the chair and began to rock up and down in his lap. He kept her nipples in his mouth. The noise from the surf muffled his groan as he came a second time."
Small Worlds
by Rob Rosen, August 2004
"Name?"
"Lashondra."
"Lashondra what?"
"I said, Lashondra!"
One-Tenth of a Dollar
by Bob Church, August 2004
"Wilfred Baldano stared at the coin, a smile creeping from his reserve. With help of the governor's tax on food, the meager breakfast sandwich consumed all his money, save one silver-colored coin he held in his palm. Practically weightless and nearly valueless, it was nevertheless meaningful as it represented excess, at least to Wilfred. It was the difference between rich and poor."
The Conduct of One Hour
by Dan Schneider, August 2004
"Grandma Chin loved everyone else, though- whether they were black, white, Hispanic, Oriental, or any religion. America was where all people could get a fair shake, except the Japanese. & so it was I was shaking a test tube during 3rd grade. We were in the chemistry room & Kevin Webster, the 2nd black kid in my class at St. John's was watching me mix chemicals. I started a real brew & threw in a plastic package of sparkly, shiny little metallic doodads. I dumped this into a big beaker."
The Pretzel Maker
by Norman A. Rubin, August 2004
"Within a few minutes an unmarked squad car pulled up behind them. Two beefy detectives alighted. They heard the excited Gaelic words mixed with words 'bondage den', 'bulging coat pockets' and the rest of the fantasy that quite nearly pictured a Dillinger mob in various nefarious operations."
Chin-Chin on Golgotha
by Corey Mesler, August 2004
"Jesus on the cross turned to his new friend, Gestas, and confided, "I'm no masochist, you know."
"Cinema Verite" and "Janie Lynch"
by B. Z. Niditch, July 2004
"One day, Amanda Hill, a young woman from Manhattan took the room next door. When Claude heard jazz and smelled pot, he banged on her door and demanded a smoke. Suddenly, his life took on new meaning. Amanda was working on the script for an independent film she planned to direct, and she there and then offered Claude a role in her film. It seems she had heard him reading aloud from her favorite poetry collection, "Flowers of Evil".:
My War Story
by Wayne Scheer, July 2004
"Or I could try a tender love story between a tough American soldier and an innocent Vietnamese teenager whose family was killed by American troops when they mistook the family for Viet Cong .... Maybe a story about an angry black man who, in the midst of battle, learns to trust his white buddies and love his country …. How about a woman's story about a nurse, not allowed in combat, who grabs a gun and protects her patients from a North Vietnamese attack? "
Daily Planner of a High School 'Roid Monkey
by Drew Allen, July 2004
"Tell that burly junior bull dyke from your History class to have a word with Kellyn. Teach her it's not nice to be party to cheaters."
Miss Day
by Alan Girling, July 2004
"Tom didn't cry, like he was used to getting a boot in the face. He just got to his knees, and the blood started to spew. He grabbed his mouth, ran to the sink, turned on the water and put his face in it. I swear I saw a tooth fall off his chin."
Miss Day
by Alan Girling, July 2004
"Tom didn't cry, like he was used to getting a boot in the face. He just got to his knees, and the blood started to spew. He grabbed his mouth, ran to the sink, turned on the water and put his face in it. I swear I saw a tooth fall off his chin."
IN-t-HER-lude with a Meth Head
by Annie McMillen, June 2004
"She had herself spread open like a Thanksgiving turkey waiting to be stuffed, and there is only one right way to fill a turkey...with your whole fist. You've got to pound it, you know, put that shit in there with some authority so that gooey goodness sticks."
The Bar
a play by B. Z. Niditch, June 2004
"A: I always wanted to know what it would be to be straight.
B: That's funny; I always wanted to know what it would be like to be gay.
C: Just for a night I'd be lesbian.
D: Just for a thrill I'd be a regular gal."
Johns
by Dan Schneider, June 2004
"John Brown listened well to Frederick Douglass's objections, but took note that Douglass was a man who had made himself through the press- even down to his very name! He had an ability to persuade, that if lost in the raid, would be a far greater tragedy than his own life's loss- he a debtor, rebel, & wanted killer. Douglass could succeed only by living. John Brown could succeed only by dying."
Apoptosis
by Jessica Schneider, June 2004
"When I asked my dad what he thought of right before leaving for Vietnam that summer at age nineteen, he told me that he was looking forward to killing some gooks. And I suppose this was a natural reaction for this time, and natural as any, for my dad was a man of his time. And I am too, even though I don't like to admit it, but ultimately I will."
Drinks, the Devil, and Me
by Drew Allen, June 2004
'"I didn't know you smoked." I said to The Devil. It was true. I didn't know that the Lord of Darkness puffed on the cancer sticks, although I'd have to say that it didn't surprise me very much."'