Chipped Labour

Case 2

Ms Kirkey – Tier 2.0 employee - Statistical and Data Officer – brain waves enhancement chip

While Ms Kirkey came in third, none of the esteemed members of our organization have ever won the Corporate Golf Cup hosted by Banco di Lichen-stone. It’s strongly suggested that she be replaced as Head of Customer Relationship Management, and given a back-office job, as her spurts of bursting into rhyme could have a disastrous effect on client relationships. Mr Cahute has heard several clients complaining about her strange way of speaking, on their way to their cars. In fact, he’s willing to bear testimony before the Board, if required, as he’s taped some of her poetic eruptions on tape:
‘In just blue chips, don’t invest,
Though your patience we seem to test.
 
When bear roars, or the bull attacks,
We’ll protect your notes from their whacks.’

When she started spouting more nonsense, prospective clients started edging towards the door:

‘Steer a clear course, through the middle ground,
Just balance odds evenly, and profits will be found.’

However, Ms Tahomey was able to calm clients down, by saying that Ms Kirkey was simply participating in a dare. She had to say something absurd to clients, yet retain them. Our persuasive Head of Risk Assessment was then able to convince them that this would be the right strategy for their portfolio, given the current financial climate.

All those participating in Ms Kirkey’s statistical presentation at the Overseeing HNWIs Conference in NY were shocked when she came up with these lines mid-way, which she rapped three times:
‘With many commodities, your pie compose,
So of recession, you get a low dose.’

However, due to Ms Tahomey’s swift explanation that it was all a joke, and further critical clarifications, the participants saw the light.

Perhaps this would make sense to the experts, but it doesn’t to us. In any case, perhaps a way can be found to turn this odd side-effect to our advantage. Dr Medu Zagorghoney would be quite interested if all of Ms Kirkey’s rhythmic declarations could be compiled into a file. It could be worthwhile to see if her aphorisms expressed therein are time relevant or not, or indeed even if they can predict future trends. If the Medu Zagorghoney Private Clinic could pinpoint the part of the brain which can make accurate estimates about future developments, it would be a great breakthrough for science, as well as for all of humanity.

On the one hand, we strongly support the fact that Ms Kirkey’s new book ‘Oracle of Flowing Gold’ should be sponsored by our establishment, on the other, we don’t agree with her that the copyrights belong to her. All employees signed a contract that all documents they produce are the copyright of our corporation. In most cases, that wouldn’t apply to poetry. However, in this case, her verses touch upon our core business. Therefore, we firmly believe that FinSchark should own the rights to her book. In conclusion, it would be in the best interests of all parties concerned if she remained in our organization, as that would make studying the neurological movements in her brain so much easier.

Ms Kirkey has agreed to be the guinea pig for our latest state-of-the-art super graft. Her medical insurance is refusing to cover it, as they can’t understand our obtuse terms designed to camouflage our project. A new top secret insurance trust should be set up to cover these additional costs.