Chipped Labour

Case 7

Ms Trollopescht– Tier 3.2 employee (lottery winner for chip implant) - Social Media team in Marketing – personal power enhancement chip

Ms Trollopescht’s sudden disappearance two weeks after her implant has coincided with the loss of high profile client details. We suspect that she was given the access code to the HNWI Database by Mr Merkuriout before he left our enterprise. It’s a pity that Mr Januzsh, Head of IT Security was not selected for the enhancements, as he failed to change the code after our wunderkind’s recurring absence. In all fairness, he was not informed of the latter absconding until a week later.

According to Mrs Merkuriout’s PI, and anonymous company sources, the blonde curvaceous expert on Social Media could have obtained this code from at least five male Tier 1 employees of the company, so we can’t be sure that her fugitive husband had given it to Ms Trollopescht.

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to deduce how she got it, until we are able to extort a confession out of her.

As soon as Ms Kirkey heard the news, she said:
‘’tween two giants, cute kitten plays,
On risky diamonds, hands she lays.’

But we haven’t been able to deduce as to which esteemed members of our corporation she’s referring to.

A deeper background check revealed that ‘Trollopescht’ wasn’t her real name. A deeper background check has revealed that Ms Trollopescht may not have been her real name. It’s as if this person didn’t exist. She’d claimed that her British father had been in the Merchant Navy, so it was difficult to track her family down, as ostensibly, they kept moving all over the world. In fact, her certificates have turned out to be fakes as well. Her diploma in Marketing turned out to be a correspondence course from a non-existent college in New Zealand. Anyone could have written those ‘exam papers,’ sent them in, and gotten the diploma.

It’s a shame that Ms Persimmon, in charge of Recruitment in HR was not given an EQ touch up either, so she could have become more diligent against fraudulent claims. In all fairness to Ms Persimmon, she’s proven that she was not in favour of recruiting the attractive marketer, but could not override the personal letter of recommendation of Mr Decrepitude-Danceny, a former Board member.

In the meantime, Mr Korrosope, owner of the Greek cosmetics firm, Gemma, has a new fiancé, Heddy, who has an uncanny resemblance to Ms Trollopescht. Our former employee often dreamed about having a chin job done. If she’s succeeded, then her likeness to the former is remarkable. According to SweetGossip.com, Mr Korrosope has gifted a new island to his new wife. They’d spent their honeymoon there.

The German industrialist Mr Kooner’s latest companion, Silke could be Ms Trollopescht’s lookalike at a stretch. Specially if the latter succeeded in getting a nose job done, as she’d wished to do so. Both these ladies are prone to changing their hair length and colour very frequently, like our former staff member. Silke’s outrageously huge hat caused a stir at Ascot. She’s been featured clapping next to Dr Hilder-Tangent the CEO of TriFineChoices.com. Pity the veil of her monstrous hat conceals her eyes all too well.

Did our former Social Media expert have a sister or cousin who looked like her? Our research is continuing. Obviously, the girlfriends of these influential men, can’t be caught and brought to trial without any existing proof.

Then, in the middle of the night, Ms Tahomey cracked the mysterious couplet. What if Heddy and Silke are the same person? Our PIs are investigating if our missing employee can be tripped up in her games, and brought back to our premises. It’s a pity we can’t verify if our surgical procedure could have had a positive effect on the ease and speed of learning foreign languages in Ms Trollopescht’s case.